The One Who Sees Me

 

 

It was the last game of my high school soccer career. We were playing a team in the state tournament and we were losing. It was a sad day, knowing my “glory days” were over in the Beavercreek High School stadium.  After the game I sat on the field with just one other girl and sobbed, thinking of the great girls with whom I would never again play and already missing the feeling of having your name announced over the loud speaker when you score a goal or make a great play as your family, friends, and classmates cheered. It had been a great journey and I was sad. It was then that my coach came up to me. She assumed that my tears were due to the fact that I sat on the bench the entire game watching my beloved team lose, never getting a single minute on the field to help. I didn't understand. This refusal to sub me into the game came after three years on the Varsity team where I was often a starter and a big contributor to the team.  

She came up to me and kneeled down and I expected some encouraging words, like:

Its only a game.

It was a good ride while it lasted.

We tried our hardest.

But the encouraging words did not come. Instead, she looked at me and said, “I know you are upset you never got to play tonight. But the reason is…you just don’t have any “heart.” You never cared for this team.” And she walked away.

It was a dagger to my heart. And the tears just came down harder.

She didn’t see me. My coach for four years didn’t know me or my personality. She didn’t understand my words, actions, or motivation. She didn’t know how I felt or how I thought.

Those who know me can attest that I wear my heart on my sleeve. I feel big emotions and they are not easily contained. While internally I am a pessimist, I am an optimist around other people—encouragement is my spiritual gift. For the most part I am very cognizant of the emotional atmosphere of a person or group and will try my best to improve it when it is negative. When someone was down, I was there to provide encouragement. I was a big sister to some of the younger players and was always looking for ways to help them. During long conditioning runs, I would yell out encouragement to keep going and run alongside someone who was falling behind. When our team was struggling earlier in the season, I had even written the world’s cheesiest high school girl poem to bring us back together and lift us up.

“Heart” is not something I lacked. She didn’t see me and it was crushing.

For me, this is one of the worst things in the world—to not be seen by someone, to not be known. I know I’m not alone.

My nine year old came home from school this week and started crying. He told me that the kindergarten teacher of the class that the 4^th graders work with had yelled at him in front of everyone because of one brief moment where he lost his patience with his (apparently very obnoxious) kinderbuddy. He was upset because this woman who doesn’t know him had judged him based on one moment in time. Because she hadn’t seen her kindergarten student throwing his body around the hallway, annoying everyone, and calling my son names and provoking him on purpose she didn’t understand William’s motivation or his attempt to get this boy back on track with their project. She didn’t see him for who he is-- a sweet, compassionate, and responsible boy who would never intentionally hurt or discourage someone. “Now she thinks I’m mean. I just want my teacher to explain to her that I’m a good kid,” he said.

We have an innate desire to be understood and to be known. We want to be seen for who we truly are in our heart of hearts.

Friendship might begin with a common interest or experience, but it only grows when we begin to show others what motivates us, upsets us, impassions us, and cheers us. These are the friends that bring you a grande caramel mocha latte with nonfat milk, whip cream and a sprinkle of cinnamon when you were up all night with a sick baby. These are the friends that send you a book in the mail because they just know that you will love it. These are the friends that follow you to the other room after they overhear someone says something to you, knowing it probably unleashed tears and a need for a shoulder to cry on.

Family may start out as shared DNA and ancestry, but it grows when a sister offers you a can of Diet Coke because it is your favorite, or makes you a homemade card for Christmas just for you. It grows when a brother calls you when you have a miscarriage. It grows when your mom always has peanut butter brownies prepared for you when you visit.

Relationships might begin with a mutual attraction or a flirtation, but they only grow when we share our thoughts and emotions. One of the pivotal points in my relationship with my husband came when we had been dating for a month. We were at a park at night, playing board games by candlelight (best date idea ever, right?). Because the only board games I had access to were ones I borrow from my girls’ soccer team, we played Mall Madness and Girl Talk. One of the questions I had to ask him in the game was, “Who is my best friend?” He proceeded to tell me all the girls that I cared about and how they fit into my life and even talked about the insecurities that I carried as a result of friendships. I just stared in awe at this boy whom I had known for two years but had never seemed to pay any attention to me prior to our first date. For the first time ever, a boy had seen me.

Who sees you? Who sees past the face that you put on for the crowd to feign confidence, strength, and knowledge? Who sees through the stoic exterior and into the insecurities, fear, struggles and longing?   

One of my favorite bible stories is of Hagar and Ishmael in Genesis. The background of the story is that Abraham and his wife Sarah could not have children, a shameful and sorrowful state in that time and culture. The Lord tells Abraham that he will be the father of many nations, with children as numerous as the stars in the sky, a laughable thought considering their old age. When time passed and the children did not come, Abraham in his impatience and at the heeding of his wife, took Sarah’s maidservant to bed and she gave birth to a son, Ishmael (Genesis 16). Once Sarah was given a child of her own, Isaac, Sarah cast out Hagar and Ishmael.

In a very sad moment in scripture (Genesis 21), a homeless, starving, desert-strewn Hagar sends Ishmael to another spot nearby because she cannot bear to watch him die of dehydration and hunger.

God heard the boy crying, and the angel of God called to Hagar from heaven and said to her, “What is the matter, Hagar? Do not be afraid; God has heard the boy crying as he lies there.  Lift the boy up and take him by the hand, for I will make him into a great nation.”  Then God opened her eyes and she saw a well of water. So she went and filled the skin with water and gave the boy a drink. Genesis 21:17-19

For Hagar, she had a very literal example of what it is like to be seen by someone. She actually gives a name to the Lord in Genesis 16:13—The One Who Sees Me.

Many people believe correctly that God is omniscient, or all-knowing and that he is able to see the evil thoughts that go through our head and the sinful acts that we do when no one is around. This is the reason why Jesus’ death on the cross was necessary, even for those who are “good people” and do a lot of good things. No one is perfect and sin is prevalent in everyone’s heart and mind.  God has been gracious to us because He is love. God sees us in our sinful nature and he loves us anyway.

My eyes are on all their ways; they are not hidden from me, nor is their sin concealed from my eyes. Jeremiah 16:17

Knowing their thoughts, Jesus said, "Why do you entertain evil thoughts in your hearts? Matthew 9:4

However, many people do not understand that God also sees us in our loneliness, our fear, our longing, our sorrow and our insecurity. He sees us in our victory, our celebration, and our contentment as well. Not only does he sees us in those times but in his compassionate and empathetic nature, he joins us in those sorrows and joys so we are never alone.

You have searched me, Lord, and you know me. You know when I sit and when I rise; you perceive my thoughts from afar. You discern my going out and my lying down; you are familiar with all my ways. Before a word is on my tongue you, Lord, know it completely. You hem me in behind and before, and you lay your hand upon me. Psalm 139:1-5

I encourage you to consider some questions in your own life. Who sees you? Are there things you do and barriers you have constructed to make sure no one sees the real you? Who do you see? Who should you see but you haven’t taken the time? Do you believe God sees you? Do you live your life in a way that reflects that? How does that knowledge change how you go about your day?

 

A blog for another time: Sometimes letting people see the real us opens us up to heartache, betrayal, or embarrassment depending on how another person perceives us. We take the chance to have our trust broken any time we allow ourselves to be vulnerable with another flawed human being. People are not always able to handle seeing all of us and the weight of that intimate knowledge can be too much. God alone is completely trustworthy and capable of handling the entire truth of who we are.

God's Calling For Your Life

Our church is in a sermon series called “Don’t waste your 2014. Pastor Sammy Adebiyi gave a stirring sermon (listen here- "Invest" January 26, 2014) which centered on Ephesians 2:10:

For we are God’s workmanship, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do.

He reminded us that God created each of us with a purpose. Our life is no mistake. We have been placed at this place, and this time, with these circumstances, and with these people for a reason. That reason is that we have a job to do and God invites us to participate in his mission to love others and tell others about how much the God of the Universe loves them.

Sometimes this work is painful and difficult. Pastor Saeed Abedini, an American citizen, has been tortured in horrendous Iranian prisons since the summer of 2012 simply for being a Christian (to read more about Pastor Saeed, or to sign a petition asking for his clemency, click here). As far as the apostles in the Bible who witnessed the life, death, and resurrection of Jesus, all but one is believed to have died as martyrs by beheading, stoning, crucifixion, stabbing, burning, etc.  Blessed to live in a country that allows freedom of religion and speech, we are unlikely to be martyred. However, our work can be wrought with pain and difficulty as we speak opinions and make choices that are not in line with the world or as we pour our lives into relationships that cause hurt.

Sometimes, however, the work is full of joy and blessing. I am continually reminded of this through my involvement with Young Life, a ministry that uses volunteer leaders (mostly college age) to reach out to high school students and introduce them to a God who loves them unconditionally. This ministry is so dear to me because it is how God chose to finally reach my own heart and it has introduced me to my husband and many of my closest friends. Now, George and I serve on the Adult Committee in West Toledo, supporting the staff and the volunteer leaders. Saturday we were fortunate to be able to attend a Young Life conference. In the afternoon we sat in a room with many other adult committee members from the North Coast region. Even as we discussed challenges to the ministry, we were able to laugh and fellowship with each other because this work is fun and meaningful and useful.

We also we able to hear from Jerry Leachman, a former NFL player and current spiritual counselor to many politicians and influential people in Washington, DC. He discussed an idea called “The Way of the Path.” This biblically supported concept states that we are all on a path and that path determines where our lives will end up. If we are unwilling to do the work that we have been called and commanded to do by God at this point in our lives, we find ourselves on a path that if not corrected, will not lead to the words “Well done, good and faithful servant!” (Mt 25:21). The decision to not spend time today praying to God and reading His Word will not lead to closer relationship with him. The decision to not reach out to others in need will not likely lead to a life marked by unconditional love. The decision to not share God’s love and redemption with those around you, will not likely lead to a heavenly eternity surrounded by those unbelieving loved ones—at least not because of anything you’ve done.

We can spend today, this month, this year, or our entire lives doing work that we have designed for ourselves to do and it might lead to a good end—a good retirement, a few decades of compliments on our gardens, our medals, or our physical beauty, a beautiful casket, a lot of people at our funeral. Or we can spend today, this month, this year or our entire lives doing work that leads to eternal rewards.

You’ve come to a crossroads on your path. Which path will you take? Which destination do you seek? What is your first step on that path? Perhaps you have never put much thought into your own relationship with God and your first step is to open the bible that you got when you were 8. I suggest Matthew, chapter 1, or my favorite bible story 2 Chronicles 20:1-30 . Perhaps you need to invest more time in your children, starting with playing a game with them today. Perhaps you should make that phone call you have been meaning to make, or start that application, or write that first blog post.  Perhaps you need to take an hour today and just pray and ask that God would make clear what work he has for you or what path you should take.

For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. Jeremiah 29:11

The Thing About Washing Feet...

 

Two weeks ago, my pastor, Ryan Snow, gave a great sermon (Listen here) about how Jesus washed his disciples’ feet in John 13. The basic idea is that aside from spending time with God, the most important thing we can do is love the people God has placed in our lives the same way that he has loved us. He cites the story from the day before Jesus was arrested where Jesus, in spite of being God in flesh, in authority over all people, stooped down to wash his disciples’ dirty feet as an act of love.

It got me thinking why people, including me, don’t often “wash people’s feet” or love people the way we should.  I love that God used this metaphorical image to show us what loving people should look like. Jesus could have sewn blankets for his friends, or performed a one act play for their enjoyment, or asked people if they wanted more bread. No, he chose a very humbling act meant for the lowliest servant dealing with one of the grossest, stinkiest parts of the body.  Feet, on their own are gross. However, back in those days, it was even worse. People wore sandals and most people walked everywhere they went on dirt roads. Because their feet would get so dirty, they would have servants wash their feet before they entered into someone’s home. Which brings me to the first thing about washing feet, or loving people how Jesus loves us.

The Thing Is…It is Dirty

Let’s be honest; washing feet is a gross job. My children love to run barefoot in my backyard in the summer and they seem to forget that we have dogs who have to go to the bathroom out there. A couple times a summer, one of them comes hopping to the door on one leg with a disgusted look on their face and they say “I stepped in it.” I have to steel up my stomach and carry them to the sink or hose and scrub their feet, which means using my clean hands to rub the poop off on their skin until their skin is clean again. Afterwards I scour my hands with soap and hot water because I feel dirty. When we clean someone else, we often get dirt splashed on us.

When we love someone, often times it “dirties” our lives.  It may cause us pain or heartache as we allow compassion and empathy to invade us. Loving someone makes you vulnerable to feeling pain that you otherwise would have avoided. Jesus loved Lazarus so much that when he died, Jesus wept. He may also have been crying because he saw the pain and sadness in Lazarus’ sisters, Mary and Martha, and he felt compassion for them. One example of someone who has loved me, even when it is difficult is my best friend, Lindsey. As I lay alone in the emergency room in 2003, miscarrying my first baby, I couldn’t talk to anyone in my sorrow. I did, however, listen to a voicemail that Lindsey left after hearing the news from my husband. She was sobbing so hard she could hardly speak, because she knew the pain I was feeling and she felt it too.

Loving someone may also require sacrificing our money or our free time or our schedules. That same night, my parents and my sister, Kim drove the two and a half hours to see me at the hospital. I never even saw Kim because I had been in surgery and recovery and eventually she had to get back to her young children, but she had sacrificed gas money, sleep, and time with her family just so I would know she cared. This past year, two of my closest friends, Mandy and Nikki, moved far away. I was devastated for many reasons. One reason was because they were the two of the women I could count on to help me out no matter what. If I needed babysitting, a girls’ night, an ear to listen, someone to pray for me, they were there and it didn’t matter what else they had on their plate. Too many times, all the stars have to align just right for us to be willing to love someone, and that is not how God commanded us to love.

 Loving someone may cause us stress because we may begin to worry about the person’s situation, ruining our peace of mind. One of my favorite quotes is “Choosing to have a child is choosing to have your heart walking around outside of your body.” If you like having a carefree, peaceful life, do not have a child because your love for them at times may “dirty” you with fear, worry, doubt, guilt, anger, sadness, compassion, and anguish. As far as I know, this doesn’t go away. I’m turning 34 and I’m still very aware of the trauma I cause my mother. In fact, it has only gotten worse because now she has four grandchildren through me that she must fret over.

Loving children, our own flesh and blood is natural and it is expected. Loving others doesn’t always quite come so naturally.

The Thing Is…You Might Look Weird Doing It

I saw a picture on Pinterest of a young Christian couple on their wedding day. The groom was symbolically washing his bride’s feet. The idea is sweet, but I can’t even imagine what some of those guests were thinking! Sometimes the Holy Spirit leads us to love someone in a way that will look crazy to everyone else. (Listen here to my favorite Beth Moore story to hear about how she loved someone in a really weird way.)

Sometimes when we love someone publicly, we are praised for it. Other times we are mocked or criticized for it. For example, when a public official is caught having an affair and during the news conference, his humiliated wife stands right by his side holding his hand. People are outraged. “How could you still love him after what he has done?!” I felt this during a recent road trip. As I stood in the gas station, I saw through the window as a man walked up my husband and asked him for a handout. As my husband handed him money, I wanted to say “Don’t give him money…you don’t know what he will use it for!” What I may as well have said was “Don’t show him love…you don’t know if he is deserving of it!” Ouch, right?

And that is what it comes down to. Some people are easy to love. In the eyes of our world, they are deserving of our love. This may include the young child with cancer, the recently widowed mother of young children, the parent who has always been there or the neighbor who always waves hello. Some people are not easy to love. They don’t deserve it, we tell ourselves.

Several years ago a friend of mine chose to forgive her husband after he had caused her pain. As she told me, she was almost apologetic, fearing that I would disapprove of her loving him in that way. Isn’t it sad that this is what we must face from our fellow Christians when we choose to love some people? Jesus must have felt this sadness when people criticized him for spending time with the prostitutes, lepers, and tax collectors. But these were the people in the gospel that were most receptive to Christ’s love.

The Thing Is…Sometimes People Don’t Want to Get their Feet Washed

Sometimes we don’t want to accept the love that someone is offering us. Some people would rather starve to death rather than accept a handout. Some feel unworthy of love because of their past. Some people do not trust your motives. Some people don’t want to accept love because they fear it will change them or their circumstances. This is the case oftentimes with victims of sex trafficking. Someone lovingly wants to help rescue them from their captors but they don’t want to be rescued because they don’t know there is something better for them.

The Thing Is…We Need to Love Without Selfish Motives

We must love with a pure motive. Jesus did not wash his friends’ feet because he didn’t want them to stain his favorite rug.  Have you ever caught yourself doing an act of love for someone simply because it would make your life easier? When I was 19 years old, there was a person who was deeply depressed and lonely who kept reaching out to me. I would hang out with this person, not because I cared for him, but I was afraid he would hurt himself if I didn’t and I didn’t want the guilt that would follow. Interestingly enough, that motive caused a lot of guilt in my heart. I showed love to him, but purely for self-centered reasons. Have you ever tried to counsel someone because you had been listening to their problem for so long that you were sick of hearing it? Have you ever helped someone because you knew that person or others would think better of you for it? Have you done a favor for someone in hopes that they would return it someday? Or worse, have you loved someone abundantly in order to keep them indebted to you?

The Thing Is…Sometimes We Just Don’t Want to Love

Perhaps you are always the giver and servant and the favor is never returned. Perhaps in your marriage you have loved and forgiven, loved and forgiven more times than you can count and you are tired of it. Perhaps you don’t like the person God has placed right in front of you. This is all very familiar to me. I  am one of the most easily discouraged people in relationships. About once a month I start daydreaming about moving to the middle of nowhere where I can live in peace without the call to love people who don’t love me back. And then God tells me to act like a big girl and get back to following his command. As a disciple of Christ, we are to be obedient to his commands even when we don’t feel like it.

Perhaps God is not calling you to actually wash someone’s feet in the literal sense, but who does he want you to love just as Christ loved his disciples that day, just as Christ loves you now? What “thing” has been holding you back from loving those around you?