Thanksgiving of 2003 was difficult for me. Having recently
moved to Toledo, Ohio I had not yet made any friends. I was enrolled in a
Graduate School program on the verge of collapse. We lived in an apartment in
which there was a smell as if someone had died with pickles in his pockets and
was left to decay, pickles and all. My 18 month old marriage was struggling.
And worst of all, every night I cried myself to sleep, mourning the miscarriage
of our first baby 13 weeks into the pregnancy.
I didn’t feel like giving thanks. Especially to the Lord.
I’m not sure this is theologically correct but I personally use the name “the
Lord” for God whenever I am referring to his sovereignty over my life, my
circumstances, my world. I was well aware that God was Lord over my
circumstances. He alone was in that Emergency Room with me as I endured a
horribly painful miscarriage and even more excruciating heartbreak. I pleaded and I literally was crying out to him to save my baby, until the moment the ultrasound showed that my baby's heart (that I had seen beating strong on an ultrasound earlier that day) was beating no more. He had allowed it to
happen, just like all the other pain in my life. My God of miracles chose not
to perform any miracles, at least not any that I had recognized. My God who
answers the prayers of the faithful, upon hearing my plea to save my baby, said
no.
Looking back I can see that there were many things in my
life for which I could have given thanks. But the misery of my situation
blinded me to such blessings.
Some of you might be feeling the same things this
Thanksgiving. While others are on Facebook counting off 30 days of blessings,
or writing blogs dedicated to the goodness of God, you can only think of that
illness you have, the person you lost, the spouse you despise, the money you
don’t have, the future you fear, the child you can’t reach, the job you can’t
find, the loneliness you feel.
I wish I had the wisdom to help you. I wish I could find a meme
to share that speaks encouragement. But no words I’ve formed or picture of a
kitten on a string with the slogan “Hang in There” will help.
Rather, I would like to share my favorite story of finding
purpose and thanksgiving even in the most dire of circumstances.
In her book, The Hiding Place, devout Christian Corrie ten
Boom chronicles her horrendous experience in a Nazi death camp. Corrie and her
sister Betsie used their time to share the gospel and minister to their fellow
prisoners. At one point in the horrendous, overcrowded, disease filled barracks,
they are reading their forbidden bible together.
In the feeble light I turned the pages. “Here it is:
‘Comfort the frightened, help the weak, be patient with everyone. See that none
of you repays evil for evil, but always seek to do good to one another and to
all…’ “ It seemed written expressly to Ravensbruck.
“Go
on,” said Betsie. “That wasn’t all.”
“Oh
yes: ‘…to one another and to all. Rejoice always, pray constantly, give thanks
in all circumstances; for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus---“
“That’s
it, Corrie! That’s His answer. ‘Give thanks in all circumstances!’ That’s what
we can do. We can start right now to thank God for every single thing about
this new barracks!”
I
stared at her, then around me at the dark, foul-aired room.
“Such
as?” I said.
“Such
as being assigned here together.”
I
bit my lip. “Oh yes, Lord Jesus!”
“Such
as what you’re holding in your hands.”
I
looked down at the Bible. “Yes! Thank
You, dear Lord, that there was no inspection when we entered here! Thank you for all the women, here in this
room, who will meet You in these pages.”
“Yes,”
said Betsie, “Thank You for the very crowding here. Since we’re packed so
close, that many more will hear!” She looked at me expectantly. “Corrie!” she
prodded.
“Oh,
all right. Thank You for the jammed, crammed, stuffed, packed, suffocating
crowds.”
“Thank
You,” Betsie went on serenely, “for the fleas and for---“
The
fleas! This was too much. “Betsie,
there’s no way even God can make me grateful for a flea.”
“
‘Give thanks in all circumstances,’ “
she quoted. “It doesn’t say, ‘in pleasant circumstances, ‘ Fleas are part of
this place where God has put us.”
And
so we stood between piers of bunks and gave thanks for fleas. But this time I
was sure Betsie was wrong.
Corrie
and Betsie continued to share the gospel, witness miracles, and inspire hope
every night in their flea-laden barracks. They never understood how they were
able to share so unhindered, as other barracks at the camp had near constant
patrolling from guards who would surely confiscate any bible and put to death
any prisoner who dared to bring the hope of the Gospel to the prisoners.
Some
time later, Betsie recounts a conversation to Corrie.
“You know how we’ve never understood why we had so
much freedom in the big room,” she said.
“well---I’ve found out.”
That afternoon, she said,
there’d been confusion in her knitting group about sock sizes and they’d asked
the supervisor to come and settle it.
“But
she wouldn’t. She wouldn’t step through the door and neither would the guards.
And you know why?”
Betsie
could not keep the triumph from her voice: “Because of the fleas! That’s what
she said, ‘That place is crawling with fleas!’ “
My
mind rushed back to our first hour in this place. I remembered Betsie’s bowed
head, remembered her thanks to God for creatures I could see no use for.
There are many circumstances that come our way for which we
can see no use. Time and wisdom might bring understanding for some of them.
Others will never make sense to us, yet we are to be thankful anyway. It is not easy to give thanks for something
that only causes us pain or stress or sadness or hate. But if we continue to trust God, the Lord of
all, the Sovereign King, we can be thankful for
·
His faithfulness to us
·
His love for us
·
His willingness to send his Son to die on a
cross to pay for our sin
·
His ability to resurrect his Son so that our
souls might also be resurrected after death to the presence of God where there
is no pain or suffering
Eventually,
we might even be able to thank Him for our “fleas”—those things in our life,
because we will truly believe that God loves us and he can use all
circumstances, all situations, all pain, all suffering for good in our lives
and the lives of those around us.
Corrie ten Boom
