When You Don't Feel Like Giving Thanks

Thanksgiving of 2003 was difficult for me. Having recently moved to Toledo, Ohio I had not yet made any friends. I was enrolled in a Graduate School program on the verge of collapse. We lived in an apartment in which there was a smell as if someone had died with pickles in his pockets and was left to decay, pickles and all. My 18 month old marriage was struggling. And worst of all, every night I cried myself to sleep, mourning the miscarriage of our first baby 13 weeks into the pregnancy. 

I didn’t feel like giving thanks. Especially to the Lord. I’m not sure this is theologically correct but I personally use the name “the Lord” for God whenever I am referring to his sovereignty over my life, my circumstances, my world. I was well aware that God was Lord over my circumstances. He alone was in that Emergency Room with me as I endured a horribly painful miscarriage and even more excruciating heartbreak. I pleaded and I literally was crying out to him to save my baby, until the moment the ultrasound showed that my baby's heart (that I had seen beating strong on an ultrasound earlier that day) was beating no more. He had allowed it to happen, just like all the other pain in my life. My God of miracles chose not to perform any miracles, at least not any that I had recognized. My God who answers the prayers of the faithful, upon hearing my plea to save my baby, said no.

Looking back I can see that there were many things in my life for which I could have given thanks. But the misery of my situation blinded me to such blessings.

Some of you might be feeling the same things this Thanksgiving. While others are on Facebook counting off 30 days of blessings, or writing blogs dedicated to the goodness of God, you can only think of that illness you have, the person you lost, the spouse you despise, the money you don’t have, the future you fear, the child you can’t reach, the job you can’t find, the loneliness you feel.

I wish I had the wisdom to help you. I wish I could find a meme to share that speaks encouragement. But no words I’ve formed or picture of a kitten on a string with the slogan “Hang in There” will help.

Rather, I would like to share my favorite story of finding purpose and thanksgiving even in the most dire of circumstances.

In her book, The Hiding Place, devout Christian Corrie ten Boom chronicles her horrendous experience in a Nazi death camp. Corrie and her sister Betsie used their time to share the gospel and minister to their fellow prisoners.  At one point in the horrendous, overcrowded, disease filled barracks, they are reading their forbidden bible together.  

In the feeble light I turned the pages. “Here it is: ‘Comfort the frightened, help the weak, be patient with everyone. See that none of you repays evil for evil, but always seek to do good to one another and to all…’ “ It seemed written expressly to Ravensbruck.

                       “Go on,” said Betsie. “That wasn’t all.”

                       “Oh yes: ‘…to one another and to all. Rejoice always, pray constantly, give thanks in all circumstances; for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus---“

                       “That’s it, Corrie! That’s His answer. ‘Give thanks in all circumstances!’ That’s what we can do. We can start right now to thank God for every single thing about this new barracks!”

                       I stared at her, then around me at the dark, foul-aired room.

                       “Such as?” I said.

                       “Such as being assigned here together.”

                       I bit my lip. “Oh yes, Lord Jesus!”

                       “Such as what you’re holding in your hands.”

                       I looked down at the Bible.  “Yes! Thank You, dear Lord, that there was no inspection when we entered here!  Thank you for all the women, here in this room, who will meet You in these pages.”

                       “Yes,” said Betsie, “Thank You for the very crowding here. Since we’re packed so close, that many more will hear!” She looked at me expectantly. “Corrie!” she prodded.

                       “Oh, all right. Thank You for the jammed, crammed, stuffed, packed, suffocating crowds.”

                       “Thank You,” Betsie went on serenely, “for the fleas and for---“

                       The fleas! This was too much.  “Betsie, there’s no way even God can make me grateful for a flea.”

                       “ ‘Give thanks in all circumstances,’ “ she quoted. “It doesn’t say, ‘in pleasant circumstances, ‘ Fleas are part of this place where God has put us.”

                       And so we stood between piers of bunks and gave thanks for fleas. But this time I was sure Betsie was wrong.

Corrie and Betsie continued to share the gospel, witness miracles, and inspire hope every night in their flea-laden barracks. They never understood how they were able to share so unhindered, as other barracks at the camp had near constant patrolling from guards who would surely confiscate any bible and put to death any prisoner who dared to bring the hope of the Gospel to the prisoners.

Some time later, Betsie recounts a conversation to Corrie.

“You know how we’ve never understood why we had so much freedom in the big room,” she said.  “well---I’ve found out.”

That afternoon, she said, there’d been confusion in her knitting group about sock sizes and they’d asked the supervisor to come and settle it.

                       “But she wouldn’t. She wouldn’t step through the door and neither would the guards. And you know why?”

                       Betsie could not keep the triumph from her voice: “Because of the fleas! That’s what she said, ‘That place is crawling with fleas!’ “

                       My mind rushed back to our first hour in this place. I remembered Betsie’s bowed head, remembered her thanks to God for creatures I could see no use for.

There are many circumstances that come our way for which we can see no use. Time and wisdom might bring understanding for some of them. Others will never make sense to us, yet we are to be thankful anyway.  It is not easy to give thanks for something that only causes us pain or stress or sadness or hate.  But if we continue to trust God, the Lord of all, the Sovereign King, we can be thankful for

·      His faithfulness to us

·      His love for us

·      His willingness to send his Son to die on a cross to pay for our sin

·      His ability to resurrect his Son so that our souls might also be resurrected after death to the presence of God where there is no pain or suffering

Eventually, we might even be able to thank Him for our “fleas”—those things in our life, because we will truly believe that God loves us and he can use all circumstances, all situations, all pain, all suffering for good in our lives and the lives of those around us.

Corrie ten Boom

Grace Upon Grace

In Numbers 21: 4-9, we read a story of how God sheds His grace on His people even when they have scorned His grace. The Israelites had been wandering in the desert for near 40 years now. The path from Egypt to the Promised Land should only have taken a few weeks, but instead took 40 years because of the Israelites disobedience and faithlessness. God had, in GRACE, saved them from Egypt, yet they cursed him. So God told them that no one over the age of 20 should enter the Promised Land, but by GRACE, their children would. The Israelites complained about not having water. By GRACE, God gave them water. They complained of no food. By GRACE, God have them food in the form of manna. Time and time again, the Israelites feared for their safety and by GRACE, God saved them from their enemies. By GRACE God even told them how to build the Ark of the Tabernacle so that He could dwell right there with them!

“But the people grew impatient on the way; they spoke against God and against Moses, and said, ‘Why have you brought us up out of Egypt to die in the desert? There is no bread! There is no water! And we detest this miserable food!” (Numbers 21: 4b-5).

This is not the first time that the Israelites had rejected God’s grace and certainly not the last, as only God knew at the time. If you read Jesus’ words in John 6:32-59, you will see that Jesus calls himself the Bread of Life come down from heaven. God’s biggest act of GRACE involved sending His only son down to pay our penalty for sin so we may live with God in heaven—the true, eternal Promised Land. Yet people would reject Jesus, the Bread of Life, and still reject Jesus, the Bread of Life. So how should God respond to this blasphemous complaining?

“Then the Lord sent venomous snakes among them: they bit the people and many Israelites died” (Numbers 21:6). 

This seems a bit harsh when we read it. Really, God? Do you really think that is going to make the Israelites love you more? We ask.

I see this differently. I see the snakes as a strange form of GRACE.

First, the curse mentioned in Numbers 14:28-34 stated that Israel would not enter the Promised Land until after everyone over the age of 20 at the initial disobedience had died. Perhaps this was a way for God to speed up the process, so that the children of the Israelites could sooner experience the Land of Milk and Honey rather than the Land of Detestable Manna. As a mother of 4, I can see how this forced sacrifice of myself would be worth it, so my children could be blessed sooner.

Second, God is giving the Israelites what they were begging for. They were tired of wandering, tired of eating Manna, tired of the suffering. God provided a quick resolution to this, by sending snakes to end it for them. This is an example of God respecting Man’s Free Will. Much like when people decide that they do not want a relationship with God, He, after an entire lifetime of chasing the person, will grant them their wish. Rather than force them to live an eternity with Him in heaven, He allows them to go to a place where nothing of God exists. This place is Hell and it is a place of torment and anguish, because that is what a place devoid of God and full of sin would be.

Third, it is a reminder. When Satan led Adam and Eve to commit the Original Sin, he took the form of a serpent. Ever since, Satan has been lurking in every person’s life, waiting to sink his venomous teeth into them, knowing that some would reject the anti-venom that is Jesus’ death on the cross. This threat remains. Just as snakes lay in hiding, waiting for an unsuspecting foot to step too close, so does Satan and his demons. People always talk about angels being everywhere. We forget that there are also demons around us. God could have sent a pack of lions, a plague of scorpions, or a disease, but he chose snakes/serpents. I doubt this is a coincidence.

Fourth, it is a warning. Do not reject the bread God has sent. In the Israelites’ time, the rejected bread was the manna and it led to physical death. In the time of Christ, the rejected Bread was and continues to be Jesus and it leads to spiritual death for eternity.  God knew that the story would be shared generation to generation and it would encourage the Israelites to accept the free gift that Jesus offers.

Again, this may not seem like GRACE until you consider the consequences of the Israelites not learning from the experience. God is relentless and will do anything in his power to show us His love for us.

The story doesn’t end there.

“The people came to Moses and said, ‘We sinned when we spoke against the LORD and against you. Pray that the LORD will take the snakes away from us.” So Moses prayed for the people.

“The LORD said to Moses, ‘Make a snake and put it up on a pole; anyone who is bitten can look at it and live.’ So Moses make a bronze snake and put it up on a pole. Then when anyone was bitten by a snake and looked at the bronze snake, he lived” (vv. 7-9).

The people repented, and God showed GRACE. Notice he didn’t answer their prayer exactly. The text doesn’t say that He removed the snakes from the camp. They were still there, causing trouble, biting people, nesting in their possessions, etc. God simply provided a way out. Once bitten, they need only to look at the bronze snake Moses had made and God would save them. Much the same, God does not always remove Sin and temptation from our surroundings, but instead of a statue on a pole, he put his Son on a cross for all to see. We need only to look to Jesus and we will live, for all eternity.

I encourage you to look for examples of God’s GRACE upon GRACE in your life. Perhaps God gave you a great childhood yet you chose a life of drugs, alcohol, sex, etc. but God has redeemed your life so that you may give your children a great childhood. GRACE. Perhaps God once put a life inside your womb but you chose abortion and now God has given you the blessing of another child. GRACE. Perhaps God gave you a spouse but you divorced long ago, and now God has given you a great second marriage. GRACE. Perhaps God gave you a way to provide for your family but you quit your job and now God has given you a great job. GRACE. Perhaps God placed someone in your life but sin destroyed the friendship and now has restored it. GRACE.

I know someone needs to hear this part. There is someone out there who had a relationship with God at some point in their life. They met Him at a Young Life camp in high school. Or they first heard about Him in their dorm room at college. Or their parents sang them Jesus Loves Me every night before bed as a toddler. Yet they have turned away from Him. I urge you once again to read John 6.  In vv. 37-39, Jesus affirms that those who are given to him, he will not drive away but will raise them up to him at the last day. When we turned to Jesus we grab his hand but we forget that Jesus will never let go of our grasp. He is jealous for us and will not leave us, no matter how hard we try to leave him. Turn and look at Him. He is right there.

“Grace be with you all.” Hebrews 13:25

Listen now to one of my favorite songs: 

There's Only Grace by Matthew West

21 Things to Hear Before You Go to College

In honor of my niece and thousands of other unsuspecting freshman walking onto college campuses next month, here is my list of things I learned first or secondhand.

1.       Not every campus has an active serial rapist lurking in shadows.

In September of 1998, I left my safe little suburb and headed to the extremely dangerous, urban metropolis of Columbus, Ohio to attend the Ohio State University. According to my father, if I walked alone anywhere at any time, I would surely be raped, kidnapped, mugged or killed. Following this info on my first night out, I was left by my loser-future-boyfriend at a bar around 10:00 or 10:30 (early by college standards). I proceeded to run frantically the three blocks to my dorm in hysterics. A man stepped out of a bus stop shelter to ask if I was okay and I screamed and ran faster. I made it to my dorm, and through college alive and you probably will, too.

That said, try to avoid walking alone at night. I had an awesome friend named Adam that would walk me home whenever we were out late. If no such friend is around, call campus security to give you a ride. Most campuses have emergency stations where you can call them directly.

2.       Try new things!

This is your chance to be exactly who you wanted to be but weren’t courageous enough to be in high school. Walk through the student activities fair with an open mind (and a big backpack because they give a ton of stuff away!!!). Take some elective courses like Social Dance, Tennis, Yoga, Acting, or Cooking. Just don’t fill up your schedule with them or you will be there for 7 years. Eat new cuisines like Indian, Ethiopian, Vegan, Greek, etc. Try out some fitness classes at the Rec Center so all the pizza you eat doesn’t catch up with you. Put away the clothes you wore in high school because they were considered cool and wear what you like even if it means pajama pants to your early classes.

 

 

3.       Don’t be afraid to change your major.

It is easier to change your major than change your career, especially early on. If you didn’t in high school, job shadow someone with your career so you know what it is really like. Want to spend quality time with patients at their sick bedside? Become a nurse or hospice worker—not a doctor. Want to be an elementary school teacher but don’t like talking to parents? Good luck with that. Do you really want to be a lawyer or is that what your parents think you should be? Figure out your passions. Are you pursuing a doctorate but you really want to be a stay at home mom one day? You’ll have to work to pay off those 8 years of college, so would you be willing to wait to have kids or work part time?

4.       Learn how to cook.

This may need to wait till your first apartment unless your dorm has an actual kitchen. Word to the wise-Do not eat Taco Bell every day and do not try to make Hamburger Helper without hamburger. Just don’t.

5.       Make small mistakes.

Jump in Mirror Lake in mid-November even though you will freeze and smell bad for three days. Skip a class to hang out with a friend or to take a road trip once or twice. Scream at a football game till you lose your voice. Stay up too late. Go on some bad dates. Quit your lame part time job at the food court—and then beg for it back because you are broke.

6.       Avoid big mistakes.

a.       Don’t get pregnant.

b.      Don’t fail out of school.

c.       Don’t drink and drive.

d.      Don’t open up credit cards and destroy your financial future.

e.      Don’t sleep around—that guy probably isn’t who he pretends to be and that will be a lonely walk home.

f.        Don’t eat taco bell every day.

7.       Start networking now.

Resist the urge to run out of class as soon as you are dismissed. Find at least one professor and build a professional relationship with him or her. Take advantage of office hours and make yourself more than a face in a crowd. Having taught college I can assure you that many instructors actually enjoy interacting with students, so don’t feel like a burden. It will help boost your grade and you will find that these relationships come in useful when you apply for your first job or graduate school and you need a reference. There are other perks as well. Because of my husband’s networking, we got to drive a Viper to our wedding reception!

8.       Use your free time wisely.

Sure I did my share of pointless things in college like watching Boy Meets World every day at lunch, but I made sure I used the time to build relationships. Hang out with people you think will be in your life long term, even if it is while playing rice cake Frisbee or making obstacle courses for cars on your street with trash cans.  Just make your extra time count.

NordicTrak for sale!!

 

 

9.       Get involved in a ministry. Your relationship with God will fall to the wayside quickly if you don’t surround yourself with people who encourage your faith. Find a way to share your faith with others. Where would you be if no one had the guts or time to share theirs with you.

My soccer team at Worthington Kilbourne HS where I coached and led Young Life

 

 

 

10.   Get some kind of job and start building your savings account. You will need some money when you start out on your own in your new career or until you find a job after graduation. If you are a guy, you might find yourself in the blessed position to offer an engagement ring to a pretty young thing and depending on her expectations, you will need a nice little stash.

 

George proposing!

11.   Talk to people who come from a different world than you or who believe different things. Once you graduate, chances are you will return to a similar environment to build your life as the one in which you grew up. This might be your only opportunity to exist among such a myriad of people. This is also the only time when people are willing to discuss their views and religions because there is no fallout like there is in a workplace later in life. Ask people what they believe and why they believe it and be respectful of what they say. Perhaps they will give you a chance to share what you believe. Have your testimony ready!!

 

12.   Call your parents every once in a while. They probably miss you. And if they are paying for your tuition, thank them often. You will understand just how much they helped you out when you hear all your friends discussing student loan payments post-college.

 

 

Thanks, Mom & Dad, Barb and Rob, for no student loan debt!

13.   Expect a weird roommate.

Probably more than once you will have a roommate that you don’t understand. He or she will act totally crazy, have a completely different communication style, have poor hygiene, hold different morals, or accuse you of trying to kill her in front of the whole dorm*. Have grace and try to be understanding, but don’t make yourself a doormat. If you don’t ever have a weird roommate, then you are the weird roommate—do some self-reflection and save everyone an awkward conversation.

If your roommate buys this, ask for a reassignment immediately.

*Dear Lynn, for the record, I was not trying to kill you via pneumonia by opening the window a crack. Your predilection for wearing sweats to bed was causing you to actually sweat and toss and turn and I thought I was doing you a favor! And by the way, cold weather doesn’t cause pneumonia, germs do!

 

14.   Find a mentor.

Remember how much junk and drama you went through in high school? You are about to go through the same amount, but this time there are long term consequences (who to date/marry? What major to declare? Should I transfer?) Do yourself a favor and find someone in a more advanced life stage with whom you can meet and talk to about life. This might take some work, seeing as most adults try to avoid college campuses like the plague. Good places to look might be a church, a ministry, or a job. This might also be a good time to ask your parents or older siblings for advice on life. I absolutely LOVE meeting with younger ladies so there are people out there who would love to disciple you or mentor you.

My Mentors During College

 

15.   Contrary to pop culture and movies, it is okay to be a virgin when you enter college. It is okay if you’ve never had your first kiss. Be weary of people who wear their sexuality on their sleeve and will try to make you second guess your convictions on this subject, and they might do it with a handsome smile and nice eyes.

 

16.   Contrary to judgmental religious folk, it is okay to not be a virgin when you enter college. At the foot of the cross is redemption and there are wonderful men and women of God who will accept you as you are.

 

17.   Be silly.

You may not be a kid anymore but thank the Lord you don’t have to act like an adult all the time yet! Go sledding. Have dance parties. Fill a keg with root beer. Do funny things with cardboard cutouts of Tom Cruise. Do handstands in the dorm elevators. Paint your face scarlet and grey for a football game. Watch Dumb and Dumber until you can answer this question: “Did you get a make of the vehicle?”

 

      18. Make new friends, but keep the old...


            Your friends from high school might go to school far away and you only see them at Christmas. Some may go right into the workforce and have a completely different lifestyle then you. Some may make choices you don't agree with or pursue paths far from yours. While you may have been alike in high school, you may start to differ in religion or politics. Be careful not to forget them or disown them. The history we have built with people is much stronger than disagreements during various life stages.  My friends from high school are still some of my best friends and I know I can count on them for anything.

Be open to meeting new friends. My junior year a new blonde moved into my house and I instantly didn't like her. We went on a run together where we tried to Alpha-female each other and outrun each other, which almost killed us. We started laughing at our ridiculousness and have been best friends ever since!

Lindsey and I

     19. Go on a date you highly doubt will go anywhere.

       On August 25, 2000, my longtime friend, George, asked me on a date. I had no hope that it would turn into anything more than hanging out as friends. Thirteen years, seven moves, five houses, four children, and two dogs later, we are still together! Who knew?!

My Family

 

20.   Spend time by yourself.

You have just left a home where you very interconnected whether you liked it or not. You are now moving into a situation where you are now surrounded by strangers, friends, professors, etc. who all want something from you. When you graduate you will be surrounded by boyfriends or a spouse, bosses, landlords, neighbors, and friends who demand something from you. Eventually you will have kids who will arrive with a permanent IV attached to your heart that feels like a constant, although welcome drain. Do yourself a favor and take time for yourself. In college I started taking myself out to lunch. I saw movies by myself. My best semester of college was when I cleared all classes off Thursday and Friday so I could road trip by myself on the weekends. It was so good for my soul.

21.   Spend time with God.

You will have a moment in college where you feel completely alone in the middle of a large crowd. If you’ve never talked to God before, this is the time. Figure out who you believe he is and find him. If your beliefs were correct, he will answer you when you seek him. You may just find that he was there with you all along.